20 bad rock songs that I hate:

I find it so interesting how music is so subjective. How is it that a song can be loved by as many people as it disgusts? Why are our ears so differently attuned as to what’s bad and good? I’d love to see some sort of scientific data regarding this, but the fact is that there are some songs you love, some you tolerate, and others that you hate so much it can make you psychotic.

With this in mind I’ve compiled 20 songs that push me to that fine line between wanting to vomit and wanting to break things. Being that I hate 90% of pop and country, I’ve set my sights on (so-called) rock songs to narrow the field. It’s an elastic enough genre to give a variety of turds their chance to stink in the sun. I realize there’s a LOT of terrible songs out there, but I’m picking the ones that hit me at this moment. I’m sure I’ll find many more in future editions.

I realize these choices may offend some of you, but if you want to voice your complaint, best comment with your own top 20. Fair’s fair.

Here we go:

20. ‘Coconut’-Harry Nilsson

I’ve only heard this song a handful of times, but each time it pushes me to the breaking point. The 1st time was with my dear friend Jason when we were at a comic book store. I actually thought he was singing ‘She put the lime in the cooking’ instead of ‘Lime in the coconut’. Either way with that endless repetitive lyric, it felt like the song went on for hours even though it clocks in at under 5 minutes. Bad sign. While the song was playing, a dude that looked like the comic book nerd from the Simpsons sneezed and you could hear his snot droplets hit the tile floor. The fact that this song was playing at the same time is perfect, as both sounds are grotesque.

19.’The Memory Remains’-Metallica

Metallica made a lot of good music, but even their hardcore fans have a hard time defending the massively underwhelming ‘Load’ and ‘Reload’ albums (I’d say Loutallica is better by comparison). The worst from this era is this song. I don’t know why I hate it so much. Perhaps it’s the weak, predictable riff, or Marianne Faithful’s phlegmy  backing vocals, or when Hetfield yells ‘Prima Donna’ like some hick singing at the state fair. The memory that remains of this song is a bad one. Grade F.

18. ‘Babe’-Styx

This school dance classic has all the charm of elevator music, but without the edge. Styx were always an acquired taste, but given the horrible glassy keyboards and the vocal delivery straight of a school recital, this one will make your ass clench and your teeth ache. ‘Sail Away’ from this song as fast as you can.

17. ‘Tattoo’-Van Halen

This song is brand spanking new, but so wretched it deserves inclusion. David Lee Roth’s strained vocals are wayyyy too prominent in the mix, almost drowning out Eddie’s crap riff. Add in the wincing vocal harmonies and this will make you  want to ‘Jump’ off a cliff. I’ve heard many say that their new album has lots of good tunes despite this dud, but after suffering through this, I’ll never venture to find out.

16. ‘Blinded by The Light’-Manfred Mann

The endless running time, the Hammond organ (one of the most putrid sounds in all of rock), and the misheard lyric which I take as a sign. Manfred Mann you are such a deuce, I mean douche for making this song. Damn you and all classic rock stations to hell.

15. ‘My Way’-Limp Bizkit

This band has always sucked, but any song whose chorus is a cliche deserves the most ridicule. When ‘My Way Or The Highway’ is the best you can come up with, its little wonder you became a walking punch line.

14. ‘Ants Marching’-Dave Matthews Band

Between the purposely off-key voice and the nauseating electric fiddle, I’m still shocked this dude gained a massive following. It’s a horrible concoction. But I have many friends who love him. I tend to think of the incident where his bus driver emptied their septic take into the Chicago river. Talk about life imitating art.

13. ‘Hip To Be Square’-Huey Lewis & The News

Do you know anyone who likes Huey Lewis? How the hell did this guy sell millions of albums? It’s dull, uninspired tripe and this song is the bottom of the barrel. It’s lyrics are the epitome of the baby boomer’s cop-out from trying to change the world to trying to short change the world, from hippie to yuppie and from rock to crap.

12. -‘My Girl’-Chiliwack

Luckily you’ve probably never heard this song. Unfortunately now you will. I won’t bore you with why it’s horrible as you’ll now discover for yourself, along with an equally piss poor video that will blow you away in the fact that it even exists. I hope you haven’t eaten already:

11. ‘Lips Of An Angel’-Hinder

This band came out with this stinker a few years ago. Why a band wants to try to conjure the horridness of Bon Jovi and Poison I don’t know, but this song and overwrought video will make you glad they had a short shelf life.

Well that’s all for this installment of 20 bad rocks songs I hate. I’ll give your stomach time to settle as I prepare the Top 10….